my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
high people should be assigned attendants
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize