Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Bring me that man meat
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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