So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
