she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
