so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
