Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
