put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
