I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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