I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
it's great music for shaving your balls
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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