WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
