I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
