A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
