He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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