i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
