Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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