we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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