we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You are the jesus of drinking
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
