Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
