My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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