I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
