Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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