Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
