ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
