How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
