You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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