Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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