I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My pussy is not your playground.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Randomize
