To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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