He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
