I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
