THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
love makes seman taste better
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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