dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
