I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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