this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
