Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
