I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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