haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
