You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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