You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
