tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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