I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
