is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
