If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
