i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
someone owes me an orgasm
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
