the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
