i jhust puked up my retainher.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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