sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
