Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
