I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
