Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
