oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
