Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
