Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
