So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
