i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
