I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
