New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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