i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
