god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
