Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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