you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
