FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
