thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
