i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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