you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
we're so committed to being not committed
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
