My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i believe in u and ur pee
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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