dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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