this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
