i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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