I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize