Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
