Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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